


and and and: one-shot collection

by sunprincewonpil (astrorarepairs)



Category: Day6 (Band)
Genre: Actor!Sungjin, Actor!Wonpil, Actor!Younghyun, Alternate Universe - Actors, Alternate Universe - Assassins & Hitmen, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Assassin!Younghyun, Exes, M/M, One Shot Collection, Past Relationship(s), Prince!Wonpil, tags characters and pairings to be updated as i go
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-03-10
Updated: 2020-06-03
Packaged: 2021-03-01 00:08:27
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 8,207
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23096104
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astrorarepairs/pseuds/sunprincewonpil
Summary: A collection of AU one-shots featuring Younghyun/Wonpil.#3 - Exes!AU: A year of getting his texts ignored and distracting himself from admitting how much the breakup hurt, but Younghyun couldn’t help but somehow look forward to seeing his ex-boyfriend again.
Relationships: Kang Younghyun | Young K/Kim Wonpil
Comments: 13
Kudos: 82





	1. if you close your eyes (actors!au)

**Author's Note:**

> not gonna lie, i have 2 other multi-chapter wips and i thought i was never going to post anything ever again because i just couldn't get anything done, but this one-shot just wrote itself in a rush, and i figured why not make this a collection.
> 
> anyway that's all, enjoy!

Wonpil was well-aware that whatever pitiful situation he was in right now, all he had to blame was himself and himself only.

He should have known better than to let the line between fiction and reality blur; somewhere along the way, he started feeling affected by his co-star’s actions, started feeling the same thing his character felt towards his romantic interest that should always just manifest in front of the cameras.

Kang Younghyun was his fellow rookie actor—the one who played Park Taejun, a guy who seemed like a player but only really had eyes for his best friend; while Wonpil’s character was Hwang Seohan, Taejun’s said best friend and roommate who was clueless about his flirtations as he was too focused on his new job. The web drama _We are the Youth_ , which was about six 20-somethings who just graduated college and are having difficulties navigating their lives, paired the two together even though they were not the main couple, telling the story of two best friends dancing around each other, too scared and too busy with work to do anything about their feelings.

As the web drama aired an episode every week, he and Younghyun saw a rise of comments supporting the development of Seohan and Taejun’s relationship, and when their plot in the drama ended with Seohan running out of their apartment as Taejun confessed to him, it even got to the point where their fans drew up a petition for them to have a series of their own and for their story to have a proper, happy ending.

And with the popularity of their on-screen pairing came the off-screen fanservice.

They didn’t do things that were over-the-top in front of fans—their fanservice mostly consisted of always being together and making sure to post it in their social media, whether in their own accounts or in the official _We are the Youth_ channels. They always ate together, hung out in each other’s apartments, and there were even times when Younghyun would pick Wonpil up to go to the set together. During interviews and times when they would be with the entire cast, Wonpil would always find himself beneath Younghyun’s arm and tucked to his side, as if he rightfully belonged there.

It was all for show, but it eventually affected Wonpil anyway.

No matter how much he tried to convince himself that this _lovey dovey, coupley_ part about their relationship was far from genuine, he couldn’t help but like how his face was all over Younghyun’s social media and how he also equally occupied Wonpil’s accounts. He liked being the one Younghyun always seeks out whenever a new episode of their web drama came out, exchanging thoughts about their acting. He liked seeing comments of their fans that told them how good they look together and that they should definitely date in real life (if they weren’t already secretly dating). 

It was all for show, but he’ll take what he can get.

  
  
  


“Hyung, have you ever fallen in love with a co-actor?” he asked Sungjin, who played Nam Daeho, a character struggling with being pushed to working overtime by his superiors while keeping his relationship with his girlfriend alive despite his busy schedules; he was his closest friend among the _We are the Youth_ cast, having befriended him in the auditions after Wonpil was street-casted by the producer.

He hadn’t told anyone yet about his dumb crush on Younghyun (though Sungjin probably already knew), but he felt like he was going to become more delusional if no one was to pull him out of his thoughts, and Sungjin was pragmatic and also good at keeping secrets; when he once found Wonpil hiding in the bathroom before he had to film a scene where Seohan and Taejun almost kiss while they were both drunk, no one in the cast or crew ever heard about it.

Sungjin hummed in thought but shook his head. “Not really.”

“Oh. I wish I could say the same.”

“Is this about… you know.” Sungjin’s eyes flicked to Younghyun instead of saying his name and Wonpil sighed in response. He glanced at the other half of his pairing, who was reading the script in the corner of the room, and Wonpil startled when Younghyun looked up to meet his gaze.

“What?” he mouthed, taking off one earphone. Wonpil shook his head, chest trying not to flutter at the big smile Younghyun gives him.

“I’m really stupid,” Wonpil said with another deep sigh once he was sure Younghyun wasn’t looking at him anymore. “I can’t identify what’s just acting and what’s real.”

“What are you going to do then, Wonpil?” Sungjin asked. Wonpil appreciated that he didn’t try to give words of comfort or try to give him hope that maybe Younghyun feels the same way. He didn’t need any of those.

“I don’t know… wait for all of this to end and then try to forget him as much as I can?”

“Will all of this end, though? With how big your fanbase is and how much Younghyun is attached to you—don’t roll your eyes, you know he likes you at least as a friend—will it really just end like that?”

It wouldn’t. Wonpil was probably stuck with Younghyun for as long as they had fans; even after their series ends, they would need to keep up the appearances every once in a while. It was up to him to get rid of his feelings for Younghyun, for his own sake. “I don’t want this anymore.”

“You’ll get through this,” Sungjin told him. Wonpil didn’t know how many times he had sighed already, but he did it once more.

“I know you hate being touched but can I please lean on you for a bit?” Wonpil requested as he channelled his best puppy eyes and then grinning when Sungjin sighed in defeat.

“Just this once.”

Wonpil let his head fall on Sungjin’s shoulder and closed his eyes. He really needed to put himself out of this misery.

“What’s this?” Younghyun asked as he walked up to where they sat, having just finished going through his script. Wonpil opened his eyes and scooted towards the edge of the couch as Younghyun forcefully squeezed his way in the space between them. “Are you stealing Wonpil from me, Sungjin-hyung?”

Sungjin let out a scoff. “And if I said yes? What would you do about it?”

“Don’t ask me what I would do; ask what _our fans_ would do. They would never let our ship be wrecked.”

Wonpil giggled, playing along as if what Younghyun just said didn’t just send a boulder dropping on his stomach. The fans. Their ship. That’s all that really mattered.

“Sungjin! Time to shoot your cameo!” one cameraman called out through the open door.

“See you guys later. Dinner’s still on, right?” Younghyun and Wonpil nodded at Sungjin, waving him goodbye as he left the room to film.

Wonpil turned his head away as Younghyun faced him, leaning his cheek on the couch. He didn’t want to be so close to Younghyun if he could avoid it, but his co-actor had gotten used to always being less than an inch away from Wonpil.

“Is there anything wrong, Wonpil? You look a bit down,” he asked.

Younghyun was as kind as he was charming, always concerned and always having a smile on for everyone like Taejun did, and he looked at Wonpil like Taejun looked at Seohan—it was like he was one with his character and Wonpil was stupid enough to fall for it, when he was just supposed to be acting. Younghyun made it so easy to fall in love with him, and even though he knew that he treated Wonpil like everyone else outside of their fanservice, his feelings refused to budge.

“I’m okay.”

  
  
  


The last day of shooting meant that there was a kissing scene to film and that this would be his last time acting as a couple with Younghyun on-screen; at first, Wonpil didn’t know if he was going to feel sad or relieved that this was probably the last day he would spend so much time being so close to Younghyun. But when Younghyun asked him if he wanted to practice for their kiss scene (which Wonpil flat-out rejected with a stutter), he knew that the feeling of relief would win over the sadness. Maybe his freedom would come once they didn’t have to be Seohan and Taejun anymore. 

“Is this okay? I’m not hurting your neck, am I?” Younghyun asked him as he tilted Wonpil’s chin in one hand and held his waist with another. Wonpil shook his head, trying to get his nerves in check despite being pressed so close to the person he was in love with. It didn’t help that Younghyun was being his handsome, thoughtful self until the very end of their filming. 

“Action!”

Younghyun captured Wonpil’s lips with his own, his hand travelling from his chin to his cheek. Wonpil wrapped his arms around Younghyun’s neck, partly to kiss him deeper and partly to keep standing upright—every breath he shared with Younghyun felt like it was going to be his last.

 _I’m sorry, Seohan. I’m stealing your first kiss with Taejun from you._

In the moment, he was still Kim Wonpil, pretending he was kissing Younghyun out of his character—with his eyes closed, it was easy to imagine that he wasn’t an actor, that there were no cameras around them, that there wasn’t a director who was monitoring this kiss, and that Younghyun felt the same way for him.

“Cut! Cut! Alright, you two, stop kissing! Hey!” 

Wonpil felt Younghyun’s thumb run across his cheekbone before he bit his lower lip and pulled away. The smile that greeted him was blinding, and Wonpil thought about how lucky Seohan was to be able to always genuinely receive that smile.

“Hyung, I’ll miss you,” Wonpil whispered all of a sudden when they were still holding each other after the kiss and the director was busy reviewing the take. 

Younghyun softly laughed, his hands falling around Wonpil’s waist. “We’re not going to just treat each other like strangers just because we’re done filming the drama. We’ll still work together and hang out together, just not as often as now.”

“Will you?” Wonpil asked, as if not hearing Younghyun’s words. “Miss me?”

“More than you know,” Younghyun breathed out with a straight face, his hold on Wonpil tightening. Wonpil searched for any trace of genuinity in Younghyun’s eyes, holding his gaze as long as he could until the bitter reality would come crashing down on him.

Wonpil smiled. 

“You’re a really good actor, hyung.”


	2. hold me now (assassin!au + modern-royalty!au)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> tw: talks about murder, suicidal thoughts (although briefly)
> 
> the setting here is modern royalty, like in the kdrama goong/princess hours if you know of it
> 
> i personally really like this one (i was even thinking of making it a longer two-shot, but i might not finish it at all if i did), so i hope you guys like it too! thank you so much for the kudos and comments :)

Younghyun finally got his first job assignment and it was a big deal, but he didn’t know how to feel about it.

His bosses told him that they had been waiting for the perfect opportunity to seize power inside the palace—now that they have Younghyun after picking him up from the orphanage and that the palace was looking for a same-aged personal chaperone for the crown prince, the timing couldn’t have been better; but Younghyun couldn’t help think that he’s not the right person for the job, seeing as how he had only been training to be an assassin for a year or so.

They wanted him—a rookie killer who hasn’t even shot a gun at a real person—to kill the crown prince, who was surrounded by guards everywhere he went. Did they trust him that much already? Should he be honored? Or was he being sent on a mission that didn't have a way back?

“Just poison him,” his handler had said with a shrug. “The royalty don’t have food tasters anymore. It should be easy.”

It _should_ have been easy. His bosses, through their shady connections, got him inside the palace and the crown prince’s residence. He didn’t even need to get too close to the target or earn his trust; all he had to do was get near his food while he’s gone, slip some arsenic in his drink, make it look like he killed himself by forging a suicide note, then safely escape. 

But the problem, as it would turn out, wasn’t with the method of how he was going to kill the crown prince—the real problem was the crown prince himself.

  
  


When he first met the crown prince, Younghyun was surprised at the lack of security he had around him; he entered the crown prince’s study on the first day of reporting to his new (fake) job, and no one had even searched his person for weapons or anything possibly harmful. He did notice, though, that there were surveillance cameras in almost every corner of the ceiling with blinking lights; the prince may not have guards around him, but he was always being watched.

“Hi. Younghyun, right?” the crown prince asked as he stood up from the sofa once Younghyun entered, holding out a hand for him to shake. He had a soft, gentle voice and a solemn air around him that made Younghyun realize that he was truly in front of royalty.

Younghyun bowed as he shook the crown prince’s outstretched hand with both of his. “Yes, Your Highness.”

“Ah, no, don’t call me that. Just call me Wonpil.” The crown prince softly laughed, a wide rectangular smile and wrinkles around his eyes disrupted his face which had looked so serious before. “Please, I insist. You are to be my personal chaperone, and I really don’t want you to always address me like that.”

“Alright. Wonpil.”

“That’s much better.” 

Instead of sitting back down, Wonpil took his seat in front of his grand piano in the corner of his huge study, gesturing for Younghyun to occupy the sofa. Younghyun couldn't help but feel some discomfort creeping up in the presence of the crown prince, as if the sweater-clad, petite man in front of him could take his life from him any moment; perhaps that was his aura as the future king of their nation.

“Can I just ask… what is my job as your personal chaperone, exactly?” Younghyun asked, pushing down his nervousness. No one had actually briefed him on anything, because it was the crown prince’s own request that he should be the one to choose and interview his personal chaperone.

The crown prince ducked his head as he let his fingers span over the keys of the grand piano without pressing them, facing away from Younghyun as he spoke. “You will live in my residence and you will accompany me everywhere: from my lessons and my events, to my meals and my recreation times. You don’t need to protect me or teach me; you just need to be beside me.”

“Sounds like you want a friend,” Younghyun remarked out loud, freezing after he said it; he may have said something offensive to the crown prince and it was only his first day at the job. He might be the one to die first between the two of them.

"I apologi—"

“Yes,” Wonpil murmured under his breath. “I suppose I’m lonely.”

  
  


Younghyun was familiar with loneliness. His whole life, he had been transferred from one orphanage to another; never staying in one long enough to even build fleeting friendships. Loneliness was the reason why he had accepted the offer of a less-than-good organization looking for someone they could mold into a killer, just so that he could convince himself that he finally belonged somewhere, or at least be of use somehow.

And maybe that’s why he couldn’t immediately kill the crown prince even though the opportunities had presented themselves with ease: by his command, Wonpil's guards always kept a distance from him and left him alone in his residence together with Younghyun, and the surveillance cameras wouldn’t be hard to disable. Maybe he wanted to let the crown prince experience having a friend first before he had to kill him—which still sounded pretty bad, but Younghyun had to remember what his real job was.

“Younghyun, look, I hit a bullseye!” Wonpil said as loudly as he could without shouting, leaping towards him as he pointed at the target. The crown prince had become friendlier with him, and Younghyun didn’t feel the same intimidation from when they first met; he had learned that Wonpil was sweet and gentle, and sometimes it was hard to imagine he was going to be king in the future.

“And if I get one too, you won’t be getting your wish,” Younghyun reminded him before he shot an arrow. All he could hear next was Wonpil’s giggling as his arrow landed outside the target, piercing through some grass and soil.

He had learned archery before and could shoot a bullseye with his eyes closed, but Wonpil couldn’t know that. “Okay, what’s your wish?”

“I just want to go to an animal shelter,” Wonpil insisted, and Younghyun couldn’t help but feel a bit of warmth flow through his chest as he learned how mundane and even _cute_ the crown prince’s request was. “I can be in disguise. Please, Younghyun, help me convince my guards.”

“I’ll see what I can do.”

For the past two months that he had been the crown prince’s chaperone, he had to accompany him to his lessons, royal lectures, piano practice, language classes, archery training, and the occasional oil painting sessions in the garden. He was also sometimes called to attend charity events and royal celebrations and it left Younghyun more exhausted than when he had to physically train to kill people.

Younghyun didn’t know that being the crown prince was so much work, and yet he has never seen Wonpil frown or heard him complain about what he had to do. For 19 years, this has been Wonpil’s life, and he didn’t have a friend to walk with him through everything. Even Younghyun was hired for his company—and he had ulterior motives for being close to the crown prince.

Guilt. Guilt was all he could feel as he watched Wonpil coo at an abandoned German Shepherd inside its cage, his hands hovering above the puppy’s paws as if he was trying his best not to touch him. Guilt was strangling him as Wonpil turned to face him, eyes barely seen with how wide he was smiling, as the puppy rolled over on its back.

But he had to finish his job, whether he liked it or not.

  
  
  


_“Why did you choose me as your personal chaperone? There must have been hundreds of people wanting to serve the crown prince.”_

_“Because I think you’re someone I need.”_

  
  
  


“Wonpil?” Younghyun called out, starting to feel concern fill his gut when the crown prince had not yet emerged from his bathroom after an hour and a half—thirty minutes too long from his usual routine. He couldn’t hear the sound of water running either. 

He knocked on the white wooden door, raising his voice as he called out his name again. “Wonpil? Are you still in there? You’re going to be late to your lecture.”

There was still no response and Younghyun could barely breathe. What was he so afraid of? Why did it feel like his throat was being constricted by wires that were getting tighter with each passing second that Wonpil didn’t answer him?

The lock clicked, and the door opened in sync with Younghyun’s sigh of relief.

The crown prince walked back after opening the door for Younghyun and sat on top of his bathtub void of water; he was fully clothed in his loungewear, meaning that he hadn’t taken a bath for the entire time he was inside.

“What’s wrong, Wonpil?” Younghyun asked, following him to the bathtub and crouching outside of it. The crown prince looked ghostly, the purple bags under his eyes prominent and the natural blush of his cheeks was gone, leaving his face pale and white.

“I don’t want to go,” Wonpil croaked out. “I’m so tired, Younghyun.”

The crown prince let out a sob—a sound that Younghyun would never want to hear again, and it was all the push that he needed to step inside the bathtub and draw Wonpil into a hug. Wonpil’s sobs turned into wailing, and Younghyun didn’t know what else to do but rub his back and hold him tighter.

  
  


Since that incident in the bathroom, Younghyun couldn’t help but worry that Wonpil was keeping everything inside himself again. He wanted Wonpil to share his worries and burdens with him. He wanted to make sure the smile on Wonpil’s face wasn’t fake, at least whenever they were together. He wanted Wonpil to be happy, to be able to do whatever he wants without feeling the pressure of being the crown prince.

And that was dangerous—the fact that he worries, the fact that Wonpil filled every single one of his thoughts, and not one of those was about his job of killing him.

He had to stop himself before his affections start to grow even deeper and before his employers grew more impatient; that night, he hacked into the surveillance cameras so that it would show a loop of the crown prince and himself sleeping in their respective rooms, and he slipped arsenic into the tea he was holding before he entered Wonpil’s study.

“Wonpil, I made you some tea,” he said as solidly as he could without his throat closing up on him. The guilt had made a permanent residence on his chest, and it pounded when Wonpil’s eyes lit up, reaching for the cup with two hands, as if what Younghyun made was something precious.

“You’ve never made me tea before,” Wonpil noted with a small smile. Younghyun imagined how that smile would transform into something else once the poison enters his system, and he pressed a palm over his mouth to try and stop himself from gagging.

He couldn’t do this.

Younghyun took the cup back, placing it on the tray and lifting it up. “Nevermind, I think I brewed it for too long.”

“No, I want to drink it.”

“I bet it tastes really horrible, Wonpil. I’ll make you a new one.”

Younghyun flinched as Wonpil all but lunged at the cup to get it back, almost tipping the tray in his hands. “What you put in here… is it painless?”

“What?” 

“The poison,” Wonpil said, and Younghyun’s mouth fell open. “Will it hurt?”

He _knew_. Did he see him slip it in? Did he just find out about Younghyun’s motives or has he always known? And he was going to drink the poisoned tea with that knowledge? “Don’t drink it. Give it to me, Wonpil.”

“I just… I feel so trapped here, Younghyun. I’m meeting the princess I’m going to marry next week. After that, I’ll lose any of the little freedom I had before. I don’t know what to do anymore,” Wonpil cried out, the cup shaking in his tight grip. Younghyun placed his hand on top of Wonpil’s, finally being able to breathe again once he felt his hold on the cup loosen.

“We can find a way to get you out of here. I promise,” Younghyun pleaded. “Just please, don’t drink it.”

Wonpil let go of the cup, pushing it towards the edge of his desk, and Younghyun held his neck to press his head against his stomach, feeling his body shake with how violently Wonpil was crying. Younghyun felt a tear roll down his own cheek. 

“When I chose you as my personal chaperone, I thought you would be able to finish your job,” Wonpil revealed, his voice nasal and muffled by Younghyun’s sweater.

Younghyun didn’t let go of him, instead running his hands through Wonpil’s hair, terrified by what he could possibly see in his eyes at the moment. “You knew I was going to kill you?”

“I told you that you were someone I thought I needed.” Wonpil clutched at Younghyun, wrapping his arms around his waist and rubbing his eyes against the soft material of his sweater. “Why didn’t you just do it?”

That explained why there was a lack of security around Wonpil based on his orders, why it was so easy to mess with the surveillance cameras, and why Younghyun was always left alone with Wonpil’s food as he always excused himself to go to the bathroom every time they ate together. And Younghyun couldn’t bear the thought of going through with his plans before—he was glad that they were in this somehow fucked up situation where Younghyun failed his mission and Wonpil told him the truth, even though his heart had been shattered into pieces at what he knew now.

He leaned down to press his cheek against the crown of Wonpil’s head, letting a sob escape him. “I liked seeing you smile.”

  
  


“The crown prince was found dead inside his bedroom after his residence caught on fire at around two o’clock in the morning,” Younghyun read out loud. “His personal chaperone was found in the scene as well, with the two of them being the only people in the house at the time of the accident.”

“Younghyun, I really like your sofa-bed. It’s hard, unlike the beds in the palace.”

“It’s not like we’ll ever get to see this apartment again after tomorrow. And were you even listening?”

Wonpil laughed, the new mischievous twinkle in his eyes making him shine brighter than ever and making Younghyun unable to look away from him. “I don’t know who that crown prince is.”

“Anyway. We’re taking the boat to Jeju tomorrow, but before that we have to change our hair colors and you have to burn the clothes you’re wearing right now,” Younghyun reminded him of their plans. “After we arrive in Jeju, what are we going to do next?”

“Hmm… I don’t know,” Wonpil said with a grin so wide that Younghyun felt the corners of his mouth lift up as well. 

With the weight of the crown eased off from his person, Younghyun could easily recognize how much lighter Wonpil felt and how much he had changed in a span of a day. Happiness was a good look on him—and Younghyun silently swore he would protect that happiness for as long as Wonpil would keep him by his side.


	3. crossroads (exes!au)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> exes!au yep, and wonpil may seem a bit ooc here, but i wanted to write him as someone who was really affected by a breakup with someone he really liked, hence the bitterness and snarkiness.
> 
> also i think this is way too long to be a chapter here but i also didn't want to post it on its own lol anyway enjoy!

With Jaehyung set to leave for America the following week, he suggested to their small group of friends that they should have a short trip before he had to go since he wouldn’t be returning to Seoul for the next 3 months. The rest decided that a trip was a good idea given that they all wanted to see each other and take a break from their busy lives even just for a few days, but Younghyun was hesitant to go with their plans. Seeing a text from Wonpil confirming that he had taken time off work to go on the trip made Younghyun’s will to not go even stronger—he wasn’t sure whether he had the guts to face him yet, but a persuasive Sungjin who already made accommodation reservations combined with an excited Jaehyung were difficult to bypass.

He hasn't seen Wonpil or heard his voice for the past year, with his social media filled with photos of everything but nothing that revealed his face or anything that seemed significant to let Younghyun know how he was doing. When the others hung out together and took pictures in dimly-lighted restaurants, Wonpil's face was either obscured by shadows or his own hat—Younghyun thought it was karma doing its work.

A year of getting his texts ignored and distracting himself from admitting how much the breakup hurt, but he couldn’t help but somehow look forward to seeing his ex-boyfriend again. 

  
  
  


They all set to meet up on a Friday morning in front of Jaehyung’s apartment building, but Younghyun seemed to have arrived early, as he saw only Jaehyung himself loading his bags in the back of their rented van. He had time to steel himself and talk to his friend before Wonpil arrived and rendered his mind useless.

Younghyun slid an arm around Jaehyung’s shoulders, laughing as the other flinched and whipped his head to look at him. “Others not here yet?”

"Hey! Bro, it's been so long," Jaehyung greeted as he bumped their chests together, holding on to Younghyun's hand even as they separated. "You just got back but now I'm the one leaving."

"I know, it sucks—"

"Hyuuuuuuuuung!"

Younghyun and Jaehyung clutched at each other to maintain their balance as a heavy, warm mass called Yoon Dowoon launched himself at them to capture them inside a bear hug.

"I missed you, Younghyun-hyung. And I'm gonna miss you, Jaehyung-hyung," Dowoon said with a whine and some fake sobbing. "This trip is all we have."

"Dowoon, I'm only going to be there for 3 months for the filming, you know. Maybe even less," Jaehyung reminded him as he pushed him off with a smile. The youngest of their group pouted at him but latched onto Younghyun instead, not yet bothering to pick up the bags he unceremoniously dropped to the ground.

Younghyun ruffled Dowoon’s hair, the fondness for his friends he kept buried while he was away making its way back onto the surface in full force; he didn’t want to miss them, terrified of the homesickness that could engulf him the moment he thought about them, but in the end, it won over. "And I quit my job, so I'm staying in Seoul for good again."

"You quit your job?"

Younghyun turned around in Dowoon’s hold, unable to sense anything but the voice that came from behind him. He stared at Wonpil with parting lips—it was really him, right in front of Younghyun, still looking as beautiful as he did before everything fell apart between them. But what was different now was that Wonpil looked at Younghyun with the beginnings of a frown and steely eyes, a far cry from the sight of Wonpil’s face all wrinkly and scrunched up from a wide smile that he was used to.

He had missed him. He didn’t have the right to do so—but the wall preventing all his suppressed feelings from crashing down cracked at the mere sight of his ex, and combined with the lack of soul-eating work to distract him from the fact that the relationship he treasures the most didn’t end well, all he could feel now was how much he had wanted to see him again.

“Yeah,” Younghyun replied, a little breathless but unable to look away from Wonpil. “I realized it wasn’t what I wanted to keep on doing.”

“But you worked so hard for that opportunity. Why would you—why would you just give it up like that?” Wonpil asked, his hands wringing the strap of his duffel bag. 

“Wonpil, this is the first time we see Younghyun in a year and you’re already interrogating him like this? At least wait until we’re inside the van,” a voice chided from the side, and Younghyun only then realized that Sungjin was standing next to Wonpil. With their friend’s remark, Wonpil’s face untwisted and covered the gravity of what he said with a laugh. 

But Younghyun knew. He knew the weight of Wonpil’s questions, and he knew that his answer wouldn’t be easy to say.

Sungjin and Jaehyung greeted each other with back pats as Dowoon let him go to give Wonpil a hug. Younghyun was unable to move, faced with the dilemma of how he was going to greet his ex-boyfriend; a hug was immediately not an option, chest bumps would still be too close, and—would clap on the shoulder seem like he was pretending everything ended well with them?

“Welcome back, hyung,” Wonpil said, approaching first and reaching his hand out for Younghyun to take.

That’s what their relationship was now. A damn handshake.

  
  
  


By lunchtime, they got down to a rest stop to find a restaurant, with Sungjin giving into his own hunger that could no longer be satisfied by chips or snacks from their stash. Younghyun was glad for the breath of fresh air, because being inside a van with his ex and with their friends who have no idea about their past relationship—it was driving him insane.

All he could think about as he stared at barriers and pale grass along the highway was how much he wanted to fix his relationship with Wonpil. He wanted to get back together with him—but Younghyun knew that was something he didn’t deserve anymore after what happened so he pushed that wishful thinking down inside a box and locked it. But maybe, they could start walking the road to being genuinely friends again, like they have been doing before they even got together.

Being friends would at least let him be near Wonpil again. It was completely selfish, but he wished he could soon see Wonpil smile at him without the unconcealed emptiness in his dark eyes.

“How long until we reach Jinhae-gu, hyung?” Dowoon asked Sungjin as their orders were being set on their table while Younghyun watched as Wonpil passed the glasses and utensils beside him to the rest of them.

“About two hours left. I want to drive more though, it's been a while since I drove you guys around.”

Jaehyung brought a hand up his mouth to cover up a laugh, but it spilled out of him anyway. “The last time we went on a road trip was before Younghyun left for Germany. Man, that was fun, Wonpil got hella drunk—”

“Here, Jaehyung-hyung, say ahh,” Wonpil sang as pressed a mandu stuck in between his chopsticks to Jaehyung’s lips, cutting off what he was supposed to say. If Wonpil didn’t try to stop Jaehyung from what he was going to say, Younghyun would have done it instead; that night was unpleasant history for both of them, and he could sometimes still hear clearly in his head how Wonpil cried in front of him before ending their relationship. 

“Yeah, nope,” Jaehyung said as he pushed Wonpil’s arm towards his left side—towards Younghyun.

Wonpil's smile fell for a split second, short enough to go unnoticed by their friends but long enough for Younghyun to see. “Younghyun-hyung, ahh.”

Younghyun’s jaw went slack, surprised that his ex went along with Jaehyung and was now trying to feed him, and Wonpil took that chance to push the mandu inside his mouth.

It was weird that Wonpil was acting like they’re friends again even though he hadn’t read Younghyun’s texts or acknowledged his existence for a whole year. Was it just for show since they were with their three friends?

“Do you want me to introduce you to someone before I leave, Wonpil? So you can have a boyfriend you can feed and act all cute with? I know some single actors, they're pretty nice,” Jaehyung offered, clueless to the way Younghyun and Wonpil both straightened up with a jolt.

Younghyun tried not glaring at their friend so he glanced at Wonpil instead, who was rapidly scooping rice with his spoon as if he was suddenly starving. He wondered how many times Jaehyung or the others have tried to set Wonpil up with someone while he was away, and he wondered if he ever took their offers.

“Oho, he’s blushing,” Sungjin teased as he pointed at Wonpil’s cheeks.

“I don’t want a relationship right now,” he said, swatting Sungjin’s fingers away from his face and reaching for a cup of water. “I’m too busy with work anyway since the kids are making a comeback soon. They’ve been making songs by themselves but I still have to review them and supervise the recording sessions.”

“Hyung, your idol kids are getting really big these days. Some of my students have built a shrine in their lockers for the one with the long hair,” Dowoon brought up, and Younghyun couldn’t thank him enough for leading the conversation elsewhere.

“Tell me about it!” Sungjin exclaimed. “My boss only agreed to let me rent the company’s pension house for a cheaper rate because I said my friend could get their signed album.”

“Is this the same boss you told me about that filed a leave to attend a concert?”

“She filed a _sick_ leave, and on a day that the event we were hosting an important client event.”

Jaehyung burst with laughter and raised a hand with his thumb up. “Respect!”

As the conversation veered into his friend’s jobs and away from Wonpil’s lovelife, Younghyun could inhale his food again without feeling like he was going to choke.

  
  
  


They arrived at Jinhae-gu in the afternoon, and by Sungjin’s request, drove around the town after they dropped their things off in the pension house. They ended up roaming around the local market to buy ingredients for a barbecue dinner that they did not plan as a group beforehand, but they had a Park Sungjin, so it went well anyway.

Jinhae-gu had a sleepy and calming energy, and Younghyun was spent from travelling and roaming the entire day—yet he lied awake on his bed at 2 in the morning, staring at the wall opposite his bed, wondering if Wonpil was already asleep in the next room. During the entire day, they never held a conversation that consisted of more than 3 sentences ( _“Wonpil, do you need help bringing down your bags from the van?” “Ask Dowoon instead, he has more bags.” “Ah. Right.”_ ) and it frustrated Younghyun to an extent. It would have made more sense if Wonpil just outright ignored his existence like he had been doing for the past year. 

Sleep didn’t seem to favor him any time soon. Younghyun grabbed his blanket, carefully tiptoeing out of the room in order to not wake Dowoon up, and went outside to get some fresh air—only to find his ex-boyfriend asleep on the patio bench. 

Younghyun didn’t hesitate to place his blanket on top of Wonpil’s curled figure before backing away to sit on the patio floor, eyes flitting between his ex and the trees swaying along with the wind.

He jumped slightly when he made eye contact with Wonpil, who was now very much awake. “You don’t need to act so awkward around me anymore, hyung. Do you want to sit here?” 

“It’s been a year, Wonpil. How can I not act awkward?” Younghyun asked, still choosing to sit cross-legged on the wooden patio instead of sitting beside Wonpil on the bench.

“It’s alright, I’m over it now. We weren’t together for that long, anyway,” Wonpil said, reaching over to shove his shoulder—a friendly gesture that made Younghyun want to dig his nails on the flesh of his palms. “Sometimes I even forget why we broke up.”

It was a lie. Every interaction that they’ve had were indications that he hadn’t forgotten anything at all. Wonpil had put up this front—he was pretending that their relationship ended with everything resolved and that there was nothing else left to talk about—and Younghyun wanted to break it, just enough to get through and start an actual conversation. “I remember.”

He remembered Wonpil getting unusually drunk on the night before Younghyun was set to leave, and he remembered how he cried as he said he didn’t want to be with him anymore. Younghyun remembered an entire year of trying to convince himself he was content with a high-paying job with a fancy title and working for a corporate giant—the only time he felt a shred of happiness was when he would wake up thinking he was still in Seoul.

Wonpil turned his head towards Younghyun, a laugh spilling from his lips. To his ears it sounded so bitter, so fake. “You don’t need to think about that anymore. It’s all in the past.”

“I’m sorry, Wonpil. I didn’t know what was really important to me back then.”

His casual and joking demeanor changed the moment Younghyun said his apology, the slight smile on his face fading and shifting so he would face away from his ex. Wonpil whispered with a voice as chilling as the night breeze, “You can’t say that to me. I don’t want to hear that from you now.”

“I’m sorry. And I… I’m not asking to get back together,” Younghyun explained, moving to sit on his calves and grip the arm of the bench Wonpil was sitting on. “I just want to talk, Pil. Please.”

“Why do we need to talk about it, hyung? I broke up with you because you were leaving and I didn’t want a long distance relationship.”

“That wasn’t just it. You were crying so hard and the last thing you said to me was that it was hard being with me. But you didn’t explain why, and you never replied to any of my texts after I left Seoul.”

Wonpil sighed and wrapped the blanket tighter around his shoulders as he stood up. “Let’s just put this behind us, Younghyun-hyung.”

“How can we if you won’t talk to me, Wonpil? How—how can we move on?” Younghyun asked as he got up as well, following Wonpil to the doorway of the pension house. If there was the slight chance that Wonpil couldn’t move on because of what had happened between them, Younghyun would want him to let go, even though he couldn’t find it in himself to move on either.

“I’m sorry that you can’t move on because of me,” Wonpil said, the sarcastic tone not escaping Younghyun.

“I didn’t mean it that way, Pil. I know 6 months don't seem like much, but I loved you.” Younghyun slowly reached out to hold Wonpil’s forearms with both his hands, letting a small smile escape him when his ex-boyfriend didn’t push him away. “I still love you.”

“I felt the loneliest when I was with you, hyung.”

Something in Wonpil’s eyes turned even colder, and Younghyun let his hands fall. 

“I thought it was amazing that you were being recognized for your hard work as a marketing manager and that you were getting so much closer to your goals. But you never had time anymore, and when you did, you were either distracted or you had to go back to the office to work again even if it was already midnight. We never talked anymore. You were still in Seoul then but I felt like you were already in Germany.” Wonpil’s voice was wavering, and Younghyun felt unable to do anything to comfort him. “Our relationship wouldn’t last with the added distance. You knew it, too.”

“I’m sorry, Wonpil. I took you for granted; I took what we had for granted,” Younghyun said quietly. He had an assumption why Wonpil broke it off with him, but hearing it from him dug the guilt and regrets deeper into his chest. He was blinded by something he thought would make him happy once he achieved it, and in the process, he hurt the person he never wanted to lose. “I’m sorry.”

“You know, I really loved you too, hyung. But I don’t know what I feel anymore.”

“I—”

Wonpil cut him off with a laugh, and the wall he built was standing before Younghyun again. “It’s late. I’m going to bed.”

  
  
  


Their three-day trip was over sooner than they wanted it to, and his friends all groaned about going back to work, especially Jaehyung, who was going to travel to the other side of the world for his job as an assistant producer. After his conversation with Wonpil on the first night of their trip, Younghyun spent the rest of the weekend focusing his attention on his friends and trying to think of Wonpil as a part of that group, instead of being his ex-boyfriend.

He didn’t know if it worked well. It probably didn’t, considering how he always zoomed in on Wonpil when he was going through their photos from the cherry blossom festival in Jinhae-gu. And now that the trip was over, Wonpil was starting to invade every space of his brain again, and he couldn’t stop replaying in his head what he said that night. _I felt the loneliest when I was with you, hyung._

“Are you sure we’ll just drop you off here, Younghyun?” Sungjin asked as he stopped in front of the park a few kilometers away from his apartment.

“Yeah, I want to take a walk before I go home. Thanks for driving us, hyung.” Younghyun reached over to the passenger seat and gave Jaehyung a side hug before getting off the van. “Safe travels, hyung. Keep in touch!”

“For sure, man. I’ll send you guys random vlogs and everything.”

Younghyun smiled at his friends before moving to slide the van door close, but a hand stopped him from doing so, and a shriek was abruptly ripped from his throat.

“Wonpil—that was dangerous! I could’ve hurt your hand!”

“I’ll get off here, too,” Wonpil said.

Sungjin rubbed his temples and sighed, “Next time, please tell us that beforehand without giving us all heart attacks.”

  
  


Younghyun and Wonpil walked in awkward silence, with Younghyun trying to think of topics that he could start a conversation with that wouldn’t lead to talking about their past relationship; but they were on the same route that they used to always take when they were going back home from work. Wonpil’s apartment was still three blocks away from Younghyun’s, but back then, he wanted to see his boyfriend enter his door even though he had to walk back that extra distance.

He wanted to go back to the times when they were working in companies that were just in front of each other, when they would get dinner after work or cook at Younghyun’s place, and when Wonpil would stay over at his apartment if he was too lazy to walk to his—but those times were gone, and he had himself to blame.

“Why did you quit your job? You really wanted that promotion,” Wonpil suddenly asked, snapping Younghyun out of his thoughts. His friends have asked that question, but he gave them a filtered version of it because they never knew about their relationship. With Wonpil, he could be truthful.

“Oh, that… I realized that no matter how much or what kind of work I did, nothing felt worthwhile. I thought I would be happy working for a big name, but nothing seemed like it mattered. And even if I tried to keep busy, I just missed Seoul.” He let out an exhale. “I missed you.”

From the corner of his eye, Younghyun saw Wonpil frown and grip the straps of his bags tighter. "Is this you wanting to get back together?"

"No. No, I can't ask for that," Younghyun repeated, hoping that it would make Wonpil less upset.

"What if I want you to ask for it?" Wonpil countered, leaving Younghyun speechless as he stepped closer to him. "What if that's what I've been wanting to hear?"

Younghyun stammered out, “I—Is it?”

“No,” Wonpil admitted, stepping back and ducking his head. “At least not right now. I don’t know.”

“It’s okay, I’ll be here no matter what you decide this relationship to be.”

Younghyun smiled as Wonpil frowned at what he said, but he knew that this frown was lighter, more annoyed than angry. It was the kind of frown he wore when _their spot_ at their favorite restaurant was already taken by another couple. It was a cute frown and he couldn’t believe he was seeing it again.

"You might end up waiting for nothing."

"I don’t mind."

"And it's still hard to not feel lonely even when you're right here."

"I’ll make it up to you."

Wonpil stopped walking, and it took a second for Younghyun to realize that they were already in front of his apartment building. He wanted to ask Wonpil if he could still walk him home, but he stopped himself. _Baby steps_ , he reminded himself. It was already a big improvement today that Wonpil wasn’t shutting him out.

“See you tomorrow, hyung.”

Convinced that he had misheard, Younghyun parroted, “Tomorrow?”

“You’re picking me up after work.”

“I am?” Younghyun asked, and scrambled to confirm when he saw Wonpil squint his eyes at him. “I am! Then let’s get dinner. My treat.”

"Alright. See you," Wonpil said as he started to walk away, not seeing the dumb smile on Younghyun’s face.

"See you!"

"Yep, bye."

"See you tomorrow, Pil!"

Wonpil turned around, huffing at Younghyun’s neverending goodbyes but waving a hand at him. “I get it, enough! Bye!”

Younghyun waved back, a jolt of happiness starting to make its way up his body; he waited until Wonpil was out of sight and then jumped again and again in joy, not caring about the judging glances of passersby. He didn't know what changed Wonpil's mind and by some miracle, he has a chance to be with Wonpil again—no matter if it was just as friends and nothing more. All that mattered to him now was that the way Wonpil waved at him didn’t seem like a goodbye, but a hello.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thank you for reading! kudos and comments are very much welcome as always. i hope this fic helped you take a little break from the chaos in the world right now. take care of yourselves, stay safe.
> 
> <https://blacklivesmatters.carrd.co/>  
> <https://junkterrorbill.carrd.co/> (the bill may be passed in our country by the time you read this [god i hope not though], but please do check the links and if you can, donate to causes)
> 
> i love you guys

**Author's Note:**

> if you have any suggestions or ideas, hit me up in the comments or on twt [@utopiadays](https://twitter.com/utopiadays) orrr on [curiouscat](https://curiouscat.me/youngpils) so that it can be anonymous ^^


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